


The One Where Rich Writes Letters (Alternatively Titled, Rich's Letters)

by esperink



Series: middle borough GSA [6]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Letters, Self-Doubt, Suicide Notes, i don't think i really need to tag characters? lemme know, well i mean it made me sad so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-22 00:17:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14925755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esperink/pseuds/esperink
Summary: In which we get to see the letters that Rich sent.





	The One Where Rich Writes Letters (Alternatively Titled, Rich's Letters)

**Author's Note:**

> see, at first i thought this was bad, but then actually typing them up made me sad. it's still pretty bad, but not too awful. so yay me?  
> also these are incredibly uneven like some are short and some are longer and that! bothers! me!  
> these are all over the place tbh

Dear everyone

Or anyone, really. I guess I’m not sure how this will work or how anyone will find these letters, since paper is pretty flammable. I need to try to find a way to make them accessible. ~~I haven’t thought of it yet~~. ~~Maybe I’ll put them in my SIM card.~~ I think I’ll schedule an email. Yeah.

~~Anyway if a stranger finds this I just wanted to~~

Anyway I wanted to write letters to say goodbye. I always thought suicide letters were silly but I didn’t realize how ~~unfinished~~ wrong the thought of leaving without a goodbye would feel.

This is a goodbye and an apology. I’m sorry to anyone I’ve hurt or anyone I might hurt. I’m sorry to my dad for probably destroying his place of living. I’m sorry to my brother for not making it. I’m sorry to my friends for ~~being a burden~~ ~~(do they even consider me a friend?)~~ a lot of stuff I’ll probably address in the other letters. Hell, I’m sorry to the house for my plans. I’m sorry to the people who will have to deal with the aftermath of the fire and people who will probably be bothered by smoke, because smoke isn’t pleasant. I’m sorry for being here. ~~But don’t worry. I’ll be gone soon.~~

\- Rich Goranski

* * *

 

Dear Thomas

You believed in me, but I failed, so I’m sorry. I know I was supposed to be strong enough, but I wasn’t. ~~I was weak.~~ I’m sorry for that too. I’ve been feeling like this for a long time, I think. I don’t think it’s something ~~that could have been prevented~~ that I could have prevented. It got too bad.

Dad wasn’t supposed to find out, but he did. It must have been during a time I blanked out. ~~I still don’t understand why I do that.~~ And dad’s so terribly homophobic. But this time it was directed at me. I’m used to him directing it at the tv or something. The stuff being directed at me made it so much worse. I think if it hadn’t happened, I might have been able to hold on a little longer.

What a way to find out your little brother has had some interest in the same gender, huh? ~~I hated it at first. I thought dad’s treatment of me was life giving me what I deserved for those feelings.~~

At least this way I don’t have to worry about finding out that you’re homophobic or biphobic or something.

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I tried. ~~I’m so sorry.~~

Love, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Chloe

Thanks for being my friend. It’s been nice. You didn’t like me or care about me at first because of how I treated others, and I don’t blame you.

Thanks for letting me fake date you. I don’t think it was something we were both excited about but over time we got more comfortable with each other didn’t we? It was nice to get those free meals with your family but it was also nice getting to know the real you. ~~behind the shield you put up at school.~~ It was fun to become your friend. ~~You’re like family now~~. ~~I think you’re one of my best friends~~. You were a good friend, and I was happy to have you as one.

Although I guess in theory ~~if you think about it too much~~ you might get ~~mad~~ a little upset about this fire ~~if I’m your friend.~~ But it’s a nice thing, ~~to be loved~~ to have a friend.

Love, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Michael

I’m sorry for ~~being a bad person~~ everything I’ve done to you. I was a total ~~ass~~ jerk and your resentment towards me at first ~~made sense~~ was totally justified.

I wasn’t a good person and I had a lot of my own issues and problems and I dealt with them ~~by not actually dealing with them~~ by lashing out at you. ~~I guess I thought were an easy target~~. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to hear all those remarks or to get laughed at.

Even though I was ~~a terrible person~~ not very nice to you, you were still willing to know me and be around me. ~~I didn’t deserve it. You were nicer than I deserved after~~ You were nice. You’re a good guy, Michael. Thanks.

From, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Jeremy

I think you’re the one I know the least, which sucks, by the way, because if this wasn’t happening, I probably would have gotten to know you better. ~~I was planning on it actually.~~ It’s not like you’d be a bad ~~dude~~ ~~guy~~ person. I do want to apologize for the beginning of the GSA meetings though when I ~~was being a dick~~ sort of made fun of your pronouns. I had a lot of stuff to work through you know?

I also want to say thanks for that presentation you gave the club. At the time I just ignored it but after a while I did think about it. Thanks for putting up with my questions and ~~general jerkiness~~ my attitude. I learned a lot by knowing you. Some of it was interesting actually. So thanks. Keep being you.

From, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Jenna

You’re actually a pretty cool girl. You have a reputation at school but you’re so much more than that. You care despite what the general population may think. You just have your own way of showing it, even if it’s sarcastic. ~~I’m happy that you don’t seem as alone as you did two months ago.~~ You’re actually pretty nice. ~~Christine is lucky to have you.~~

~~Putting up those posters was a good idea~~

~~I saw you print out those GSA flyers and~~

I’m glad you have close friends from the club. You deserve it. And hey, thanks for being my friend too ~~I hope we’re friends at least~~. And I know I’d always be irritated about you making remarks about me and Dustin but ~~it was the truth~~ I didn’t actually mind it all that much. Thanks for making me laugh.

Sincerely, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Jake

It’s been nice being your friend all these years. Even if there were times where we weren’t quite as close you didn’t just drop me ~~like I deserved.~~ Even when I wasn’t being nice. You tried to show me a better way. You even put me in my place a few times but I appreciate it. I don’t want to think what kind of person I’d be if I didn’t have you to keep me in check. I’m not really a good person, but I’d be even worse.

~~I can’t believe it’s been six years~~

For as long as I’ve known you, I haven’t regretted ~~being your friend~~ considering you a friend. ~~I hope you haven’t regretted it either.~~ Thanks for putting up with me.

You’ve been a good guy.

Your friend, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Brooke

I’ve enjoyed getting to know you in the short time in the club and classes we have together. Even before we joined the club you were nice ~~and cute~~ and always tried to be friendly to me in class.

And I’m happy to call you my friend. You’re a sweet girl. I appreciate the fact that you talked to me during drama class and, unlike some others, took it seriously ~~and didn’t think it was ‘funny’ that I was there~~. Thanks for being my partner for things when nobody else wanted to.

And I’m sorry that we started an assignment last week and that you’ll be left without a partner. That’s shitty of me. ~~Sorry for disappointing you.~~ It was nice to know you.

From, Rich

* * *

 

Dear Christine

I want to thank you for giving me a chance. Even if it was a reluctant one. You guys didn’t even have to and I know nobody else wanted to. Thanks for giving me the chance to be more open to learning.

Thanks for worrying about me, even though you didn’t have to, and there were times I didn’t want you to. ~~It was nice to have someone that cared.~~ It meant a lot to me that you cared. Even if I told you to mind your own business. I appreciate ~~the fact that you cared at all~~ it.

I’m sorry, though, for doing this. But don’t worry, you guys made my life nice while it lasted.

Most sincerely, Rich

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr I like getting asks: esperinkdraws


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